In that post, I pissed and moaned about work being slow and not sure if I wanted that as a career. I decided to value the fact that I even have a job and said “fuck it” to worrying about not enough work and it will get better. Well, it did. Though not an official promotion, there were some changes in my company as far as I am concerned and in a sense I got a raise and a promotion. I will just say it’s a great feeling when the owner of the company recognizes you as a valuable asset to the company.

I also whined in that post about my vehicle being broken down. It turned out to be a major fix (catalytic converter had to be replaced),  and I was able to get it fixed. So now I got my wheels back. *hella stoked*

Lastly, I bitched about feeling alone for the holidays. Well, about 2 weeks after writing that post, I met someone on a dating website. I finally found someone to spend the holidays with, and I tell you, it’s the most amazing feeling. She had already made plans to be out of town for NYE with her family, so I wasn’t able to kiss her at midnight, but it’s a great feeling when someone tells you “we will have next NYE.”  We’ve been seeing each other for almost 2 months and it’s great. She has the most amazing smile I’ve ever seen.

So yeah, I guess when it got to the point where I just said “fuck it all,” things just started falling into place.

Wow. It’s been 2 months since I posted anything on this blog. Life has been a whirlwind lately. Work went full-blast for the last 2 months, and then last week it came to a screeching halt. I knew I would be off the week of Thanksgiving, but as of right now, I don’t know when I will be scheduled next. In addition to not working, my vehicle has been broken down for the last month or so. Not working means no money to fix it, so on top of trying to pay bills, there’s that.

I’ve been disillusioned lately and the holidays always bring these feelings up. I’m 35 and don’t have what I can call an actual “career” and my job is seasonal. I like it, but it’s not what I want to do the rest of my life. These days it’s hard to even find a job, so I am thankful to have it, and work my ass off when I’m there. But I feel like I need something more; I’m not fulfilled.

The holidays always remind me of the shitty feeling of being alone. I don’t have a love interest in my life anymore, and the holidays make that a lot more apparent. It’s nice being single, but reflecting back to previous years, not having someone to share the holidays with kinda sucks.

So you know what? Fuck it all.

I’m going to do my best to just keep up with my practice. I will continue to trudge down life’s path one step at a time, being mindful with whatever I encounter, and remind myself that it’s all impermanent. A new project will start, so the work will eventually be there and more bills will get paid. Who knows, a new career opportunity may present itself and just maybe someday, a beautiful woman will come along and fill that gap in my heart.

If I wake up tomorrow, it will be a beautiful day just because I woke up.

With heavy metta…

I am Jack’s smirking revenge.

I am Jack’s raging bile duct.

I am Jack’s wasted life.

Fight Club is one of my top 5 all-time-favorite movies. If you’ve seen the movie, it goes without saying that there are many memorable quotes. I said it anyway because maybe one of the 3 people that read this blog have not seen the movie.

After watching it for the eleventeenth time a couple weeks ago, I sat down to meditate before bed. My mind was racing and I couldn’t relax, because I couldn’t stop thinking about all the stressful shit in my life.

The Buddha called this experience “monkey mind,” where thoughts run through your head like a monkey swinging through trees, not able to sit still. If you’re anything like me, you waste energy trying to tame the monkey, and that’s after you’re worn out just from trying to catch it. Next thing you know, you’ve forgotten all about the breath and frustration sets in. My nature is to beat myself up over things that don’t mean much; I sweat the small stuff. I have to learn to go easy on myself and just get back on track. Eventually I will be able to control the frustration, just shrug it off and keep going. No one said this would be easy, that’s why they call this “practice.”

I am Jack’s monkey mind.

I’ve been bitching and moaning lately about how old I feel, due to my little boy starting 7th grade. It seems time passes way too quickly, because it feels like yesterday I was holding him and his brother in the palms of my hands. As I dropped him off at his first day of school, in his skinny jeans and beanie with some random logo from some random skateboard company, I couldn’t help but feel a little crotchety. However, I am very proud of this boy. He has always been very well-behaved and is well-liked by everyone he meets. He’s a peacemaker (although his little brother might argue that), and even-tempered. I’m a lucky dad.

Today also marks the 10 year anniversary of when we lost my father to cancer. He was only 48 years old. After dropping off my son at school, I stopped off at the cemetery to visit my dad. There’s not much to say other than I miss him a lot. I wish he could have been around to watch his grandson grow up. I can only hope that the pride I feel for my son, my dad felt about me. He instilled in me a very strong work ethic, and I hope he’s proud of how hard I work. I can’t help but wonder if he felt like a lucky dad.

Today is just one more lesson in impermanence. Our parents will not always be there for us, although there are times over the last 10 years I really wish my dad was around to give me advice when I needed it. Our babies will not always be babies. Before you know it, they will go from crawling around and sucking on a bottle to doing kickflips and listening to Iron Maiden.

Time passes before our eyes just as the wind carries the leaves, never stationary. Don’t get attached, enjoy the time, and cherish the memory. It’s quite a lesson.

In Heavy Metta,

\m/ Metal Buddha \m/

Happy Birthday, Online Meditation Crew!

\m/ Meditate and Destroy! \m/

It gives me chills. That is all.

\m/

This man gave his life to alleviate serious injury or death to his wife. I feel compassion for her in that she lost the love of her life and what she has to deal with now, but at least she can know she had someone who loved her to the depths of his core, and not only could say it, but proved it. Don Lansaw was a true man. Safe travels, sir.

The video would not embed, so you will have to click the link.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032619/#43174546

All I can say is HOLY SHIT. From the first couple minutes of the first track I heard (or saw a video on youtube, I don’t remember) I was diggin’ it. This band doesn’t just play music that is outside the box, they pull their boots on and kick the shit out of the box. They take a blender and toss in some metal, rockabilly, country and good old-fashioned rock-n-roll and crank it up, mixing up a musical margarita that I’m not ashamed to order, just leave out the little umbrella.

Yes, I usually listen to a lot heavier metal, but there is something about this band that’s just…it’s hard to explain. They’ve just “got it.” I hear they put on a helluva live show too, which unfortunately I missed this week. They played in my town with The Damned Things, and I wasn’t able to make it due to work. I would love to see these guys tour with Black Stone Cherry and Clutch. Not saying they are similar, but they aren’t dissimilar either, I just think that would be a killer show.

Here’s some ear-porn for ya…

Happy listening,

\m/ Metal Buddha \m/

The first is a group blog I started writing for in addition to my own. It’s called Chaotic Nirvana and covers a wide range of topics including spirituality, relationships, poetry and much more. It’s candid and chaotic. Duh…WINNING.

The second is a brand new blog started by my friend/roommate Cameron called The Passive Habit. He is a talented writer who will cover topics such as religion, politics, etc., and is well-read and well-spoken. I know this because of the discussions we’ve had in our smoking lounge (aka the garage). Cameron has tiger blood and Adonis DNA so check it out.

Now where’s my money, bitches?!

\m/ Metal Buddha \m/